Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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