and next time when you feel me up, do it right
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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