i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
