Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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