I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
