DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
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My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
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I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
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