I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
