Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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