Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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