do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
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The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You pole danced in your parka.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
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Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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