You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
All the doctor said was why
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
