i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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