I want to walk on stilts...naked
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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