You just made me feel so damn special
no, he came in my armpit
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
honey bunches of taint.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
