if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
love makes seman taste better
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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