I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
