We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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