On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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