ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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