Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
