i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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