you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
