That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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