love makes seman taste better
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
