I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
