god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
