While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize