I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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