At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Randomize
