There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
