i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
we're so committed to being not committed
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
