Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize
