you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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