My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
