so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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