It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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