I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
A bitchslap is in order.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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