no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
