i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
