Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
