Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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