So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
