By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
