I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
