I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
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