Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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