I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
