I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
