im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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