About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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