I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
