He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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