Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
