May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
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I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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