just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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