I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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