when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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