He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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