When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
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when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
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There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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