she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
