my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
