Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
