New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
