it's too hot outside to masturbate.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
