He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
