She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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