he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
