I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
