hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
