How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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