His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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