1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
My day in three words: secret purse cake
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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