I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
