I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
